Mommy Time Outs

Have you ever had a day where you needed a mommy time out away from all your responsibilities? Being a mom is the toughest job I have ever had! I have 3 little crazies running around needing me every moment no matter what I'm doing or where we are. I have a love hate relationship with these moments. I love that my kids need and want me, not to mention knowing that they can come to me when they need.I love that the trust they have in me is more then enough to fix their problems. I will be honest though, if the bathroom door is closed, please don't come running in unless the house is on fire, I know it can wait. Another favorite is when I'm cooking, for the love of all that's good, leave mommy alone after a long day when she is near hot things, Mommy can I help....I promise! I would give anything some days to just get away.... sometimes that time is at 9am (I have early risers) sometimes noon and other times I can make it to bed time. No matter what, we all need some mommy space.

We need time to breath and gather our thoughts. I like to call these "Mommy Time Outs." Some people might think that I am a bad mom for wanting to get away from my kids from time to time, every few days, every day....it doesn't matter. I don't ask people to like me, but I want to be real, I want to be honest because I am not living in sunshine and rainbows here in my home. If you do, well...I'm not going to go there. Life isn't perfect so I won't pretend it is. I like to not go completely crazy at kindergarten pick up at 3:30. Some might agree with me and to that I say "high five" we need to be best friends. You guys, I am not even 30 and I have more gray hair than my mom. Each gray is named one of 3 names, Neacel who has been providing gray since 2008, Brody since 2010 who is my lazy producer and Macey my mass gray hair producer since 2012. Please don't get me wrong, I love my kids more then anything but I also love not needing a special white jacket in a white fluffy room!

Let me tell you about today, let me tell you why my 2 year old had to nap and mommy had a time out on the couch while the boys watched Netflix. Boys woke up around 6:30, hubby is sick so I slept like I have a newborn, already not a good start. Immediately, they start fighting with me about getting dressed and what they want to do. I remind them that it is early and no you can't play in the backyard breaking ice, get dressed, here is breakfast (toast) and please watch Curious George so mommy can get some work done.

By 8:30 all kids are dressed, fed and I am ready to go to my workout class. Go to grab keys around 8:50 after fighting about why we wear socks with shoes, keys aren't in my purse. They are always in my purse or on the counter. Neither place provided my keys, after searching the house like a mad woman (workout keeps me sane, I need and want it) I break down in tears. I am past panic crazy mom mode. My keys are special. They have the only van key, mailbox key, house key, spare car key and other random keys, either way missing my keys means we are stranded which I can not handle so early in the day. I get to workout after finding the keys in the most random of spots about 20 minutes late, why go you ask, because if not, mommies time out was going to happen in a bubble bath at 9:30 am with all the kids locked in their rooms.

Class was interesting thanks to my Macey (running around, washing her hands in the men's toilet, washing her face while standing in the kitchen sink, etc). Then she throws the mother of all tantrums as I tell her she can't go home with my friend Amber.... this resulted in a 15 minute tantrum in the parking lot, sending mommy to the insane part of her brain filled with tears and really loud music on the drive home. We get home, only to leave 20 minutes later to take Neacel to school. Que Macey tantrum over olives and not being able to watch Despicable Me. We drop him off while Macey screams the whole time, get home and I get Despicable Me on and a cup of olives for her so that I can shower. Anything to get away!

Brody was left in charge, he was to come and get me if Macey even got off the couch. Well, he ran up to tell me Macey got off the couch and dumped something out. I panic run downstairs half dressed to find a Costco sized container of hummus all over my coffee table (which has groves in it), in her hair, on my dishwasher which was open and had hummus on clean dishes, on and in the fridge. Que mommy tears for the 6th time today! It was barely NOON! So, she was sent to her room because I had nothing nice to say and the nice mommy voice was turning into a really mean mommy voice. Luckily, it was almost time for school pick up. I panicked over the thought of another tantrum, but rejoiced at the thought of "girlfriend is taking a nap today!"

My daughter doesn't normally nap, in fact its a rare special occasion if she does. We got Neacel from school and rushed home to lay her down for a nap. It was seriously the best part of my day thus far. I think I had taken about 5 time outs today and they do help. They help me handle the next situation a lot better than if I hadn't take that time to breath and catch my happy thoughts before they fly away.


Lets talk about now, I have taken a small nap on the couch, ate crap I shouldn't have and here I sit in my closet under the stairs, writing this to you at 5pm! I already plan on running to Little Ceasers for dinner because I'm still in time out mode, I already have a Redbox reserved and plan on grabbing popcorn. I still need to relax a little more, my brain hurts from today and I still have puffy, mommy-crying-eyes. My boys are being awesome, which is rare for the both of them on the same day. We won't focus on that, I might jinx it!

I know you are thinking to yourself "Why is she sharing this?" Well, haven't you had a day like this? Haven't you needed to just run away for 5 minutes? Haven't you cried so much in one day that you have puffy eyes??? My shower and nap have been the best part of my day, 2 things that I don't always get in the same day. Being a mom is tough and it is really hard to handle the weight of the world on your shoulders. I am here to say go eat a bowl of ice cream and cry it out in your closet if you need to! No excuse needed. Go turn on a movie for the kids and curl up to read a book and ignore any requests for 15 minutes! It is ok, I promise. Go grab dessert with a friend in the middle of the day after getting a babysitter for kids at home. Dessert is best when kids aren't around.

We need to remember ourselves, we can't give to others properly if we aren't taken care of. My kids know mommy isn't very nice till about 7 am once I am dressed and ready to go workout. It's my morning thing, some moms need coffee, I need my workout clothes and brushed teeth!

So, after all my rambling, which probably doesn't make much sense, this what I want you to get from all this. Don't be afraid to need to get away, to need a break from your kids or to cry over little things. To go cry in the shower or eat ice cream in your closet. We are human, we aren't made of steel, we aren't perfect and we need to remember ourselves emotionally too. We have so much on our plate and I know life sometimes throws everything at you that it can. I know today has been horrible for me, but I look forward to giving my messy hummus smelling daughter a bath and tucking her into bed tonight while she asks for me to sing Twinkle Twinkle 3 times and sings I am a Child of God with me. Those moments make the crazy worth it. Unfortunately, sometimes we miss out on the cute needed moments because we are too stressed.....take a mommy time out and come back to the situation once you feel better. Things will be better and I promise you won't miss anything while you take that time to yourself.

"I'm Not Mean, I'm a Mom"

I was on Facebook the other day when I saw a friend post this article. At first I just kept going, not planning on reading it, but then I was bored because the kids were sleeping and thought what the heck! It is an amazing story about a mom and her daughter and how the mom teaches her that "I'm not mean, I'm a mom!"

This is the worst day of my LIIIIIIIIIIFEEEEEEEE!” my daughter whined and cried after losing her Littlest Pet Shop kitty at a bridal store. She sobbed and sobbed in the backseat of the car (O.K. mini-van), lamenting about all the things that were terrible in her life. She was hungry, tired, fighting a head cold, and sick of sitting in a “baby” car seat (she is in a high-back booster seat because she is tiny and it’s safer). And there’s more: her shoes were uncomfortable, it was raining outside, and worst of all the sun had gone down while we were in the store. She is terrified of the dark. TERRIFIED!-read the rest of the story here

After reading it all I could think it that the mother is the most patient person ever! How many of us can say that in a similar situation we have/would act the same way? I obviously haven't hit that stage in life with my boys, but I imagine I drive home as fast (and safely) as I can, feed them and then off to bed. Battles from them filling the silence I provide from being so angry. That stage will hit, and there are day where I just wait to here it from my oldest because he is made at me for some silly reason. (He was "blessed" with his mommies temper)

Meltdown moments in our home come by the handfuls. Yesterday actually, Neacel had a meltdown over a commercial being on and begged me to fast forward the tv (DVR) I told him no and that his show would be on a few.....you would have thought I broke his arm! He screamed and screamed, stomped and everything. SO I turned the tv off, meltdown number 2 in 3...2...1...KABOOM! He threw himself on the floor kicking and screaming. He told me he would watch the commercial but that he wanted his show. I explained that acting like that doesn't get you anything in life. You can't just whine and cry about everything and that we don't always get what we want. So after calming down I was finally able to talk to him about acting like that....all he heard was "blah blah blah, no tv. Blah blah blah blah blah" Que meltdown number 3! At this point I'm just annoyed and tell him to go play with toys. He doesn't want to because brother is playing with them (brother has cooties sometimes I think, good thing I got my shot in 2nd grade!) So I take him up to his room to "relax" and just play with toys. After 5 minutes of screaming and kicking the door you hear his yell threw the crack under the door "Mommy, I'm done relaxing and I'm sorry!" So I go and get him and I'm greeted with a hug, kiss, puppy dog sad face and him saying sorry. He did get another show later in the day that he earned and didn't whine about the commercials. He said thanks for the show and when it was over turned off the tv and played with brother. If there is one thing my hubby has taught me, its that staying calm in heated situations are going to get better results then freaking out with him. (Thanks babe, and you thought I wasn't listening!!!)

Sad to say, but the story is true. Some moms are mean, down right mean to their children. Name calling, hitting, not feeding etc and those children are sad and don't have good relationships with their mom or possibly anyone. But we need to teach our little dudes (and dudettes) that not giving them something they want isn't mean. It isn't us trying to make them angry, its usually for a lesson. So today, try to teach your child a lesson over a freak out moment. No matter what the age, a lesson is always fun to learn. We are working on listening with both of our boys. Neacel seems to forget how to 3 seconds after I remind him, and Brody is still young but anytime we tell him "no" to something the screams and laughs and continues louder and harder then before. So today, I WILL stay calm during each meltdown, I WILL stay firm on what I say, and I WILL teach a little mini lesson each opportunity I have!

Real Bellies

So it's no secret that women want to look perfect and that Hollywood sets the standards for most. Perfect hair and makeup, dressed in nothing but the best, beautiful jewelry, and most of all perfect bodies, let's narrow it down even more...flat tummies! I know I beat myself up over it, that I could be thinner and have a much better tummy if I worked out more, ate healthier and really kept my motivation once I do start those things. How many times have you thought, I wish I had a stomach like hers? I know I do, daily probably? I feel that after 2 kids born by c/section one was 8lbs 14 oz and 22in, and my second was 8lbs 4 oz 21 in (and for the record, this momma is only 5ft tall!), I should learn to love what I've been blessed with. I should look at my scar and stretchmarks as a baby making trophy.

My husband sent me this article, and I couldn't help but to think "I want a picture of my stomach on the gallery" then reality and fear set in. The xoJane Real Girl Belly Project is amazing, its a gallery of tummies, each with their own little story. Each earned in their own special way. Go read the article and take time to look at each tummy and read what the owner wrote about it. I'll be honest, I got teary eyed because I know that this is my biggest struggle, I need to just learn to love me. It's not just me though, it's everyone. Many of my friends on facebook that are mothers, we all are obsessed with working out, diets, and trying to get back to the flat 16 year tummy, when in reality we should be proud of the belly button piercing scar we have for being spontaneous and rebellious, the stretchmarks from each pregnancy, a c/section scar to remind me that my children were born safely, etc.

So I encourage all of you, and myself, to do something this week/weekend to boost your confidence. It can be anything. I know right now, I need to buy a bathing suit for a water park we are going to in 2 weeks. I'm terrified, but thrilled that my old one no longer fits.  Maybe instead of a longer one piece I'll reach for the tankini. Maybe you could go buy a shirt that you thought made you look silly, but you love it...who cares! If you love it then go for it, others can learn to love it. Maybe you will take a picture of your stomach and send it to the xoJane Real Girl Belly Project  (emily@xojane.com). The possibilities are endless. We can't let Hollywood women tell us who we should be. We should love ourselves, curves, stretchmarks and all.

P.S That isn't my tummy, that was a brave soul over in the gallery. If I looked like that, I'd be thrilled!